Do you ever hear these words going through your mind? “You should be further along than this!” “How can you still struggle in this area?” “What’s wrong with you?”

I still hear these lies in my head. Some seasons are worse than others. And the longer I know Jesus the more shame I can feel when I struggle. Shouldn’t I know better? As I look at my life, I wonder when and where this lie was picked up?

One thing Jesus is showing me is that my obsession with perfection is at the core. Like most people, I can be blind to my own issues. I never considered myself a perfectionist, because my coping mechanism (a.k.a flesh pattern) growing up was to give up. My mind set was, “I can’t do it, why even try.” Others raised in a home with perfectionism may respond differently. “I will do it! Just give me one more chance.” And many times, they do conquer whatever they are trying to do.

Recently, as I watched my children love on their pets, I did not catch the fiery dart that entered my mind. “What’s wrong with me?” “They can feel enormous love for an animal.” I have struggled “feeling” love for a lot of my life. The enemy didn’t stop there. I began to question what was wrong with me in numerous areas. And yes, I am a discipleship counselor who has been sharing God’s truth for over 30 years and can still struggle. (A little sidenote, I did experience trauma, more than once, with an animal in my early years.)

The reason I’m sharing this blog, is to help anyone else that struggles believing lies about themselves. If you continue to listen to these lies/thoughts, you will downward spiral emotionally. You may be like me. I can think those thoughts for a while before I even realize I’m thinking those thoughts. The enemy is sly. He hates us and works overtime to keep us believing lies and feeling defeated.

Another area I have struggled in is feeling like I belong. This will shock most people since I am very relational, and love getting together with friends. I recently have been learning that we create the feeling of belonging ourselves. That was a new way of thinking for me. I’ve heard that people who have experienced abuse will always struggle feeling like they belong. This may be the area we must set our mind on truth whether we feel it or not.

We never want to get our worth from other people. The God of the Universe adores you and that is the truth. He calls you accepted, loved and worthy. However, it is important to find a safe group that communicates acceptance. Often, God’s design is to heal us in community. This week, my small group leader asked us to write down five things about Jesus or His ministry. We all went around the room and shared our list. Our leader then told us what we wrote about Jesus is true about us. As we looked back over the list, many could not see the truth that their list reflected themselves. But the interesting thing about it is the others in the room could see it. They could remind the person that they really are loving or gentle or whatever they had on their list. Do we all “act” like Jesus every minute of every day? Probably not. But our identity cannot and will not change. Our identity is not determined by behavior. I John 4:17b says, “As HE is, so are we in this world.” Our spirit determines our identity and that is where Jesus and His character resides. You have been fused with the creator and changed from your core.

The problem is we forget, and we do not take every thought captive to our Father. I just want you to know that you are not alone. Don’t hang your head in shame when you struggle. Be honest about it. I used to be known for being incredibly transparent. It seems I have lost that virtue over recent years, and I want to hide.

The first word I wrote down about Jesus was that He was loving. Whether I feel it or not I am loving too. Jesus reminded me about a retreat I was at several years ago. We had to write down lies that we have believed about ourselves. I remember writing down, “I am hate. I am ugly. I am unsafe. I am alone.” As a young child, I had a lot of anger and hatred for my abusers. We were then instructed to ask God the truth about us, and the following birth announcement is what came out as I wrote on a piece of paper. I will share it here.

God, the Almighty Father, King of Kings, and Lord of Lords proudly announces the birth of His daughter, Rebekah Jean Royal. She came into this world with many brothers and sisters, namely Jesus Christ her elder brother. As daughter of the King, she shall be protected by Michael the arch angel, as well as many other angels. As the Holy offspring of the most Holy of all Holies she shall be honored and held in high esteem by the Holy Spirit Himself. Her beauty is beyond words and all who meet her will love her. For she is love, as her Father is love. There is no shame to behold, for she is covered in the holiness of God.

Thanks, Jesus, for the reminder. And thank you for reminding the person reading this blog of the unwavering truth about them!