Tim and I started a conversation on an evening cruise on our 47th wedding anniversary in Madeira Beach.  One of my favorite things in the world is being on a boat.  And we live where we can easily go for a sunset cruise, even though much of this cruise was in the moon light.  The clocks were set back an hour the night before.

We continue to stand amazed that God kept us together for 47 years.  Many of you know our story and it did not start off in a promising way.  We struggled mightily the first 12 years of our marriage, and then we often had many ups and downs.  If you are married, you know, that marriage can be difficult.  But it can also be the most rewarding thing you ever experience in your lifetime.  I’m going to let you listen in on our conversation.  I began recording our words on my phone because the conversation was so rich I wanted to keep it.  I’m sharing this with Tim’s permission.  And we are sharing it for those who might be where we were several years ago.

Tim: I am so glad we fought to stay together, even though, many times neither one of us wanted to.  Looking back, I can see that one of us could have thrown in the towel at any time.  It was always touch and go with us. As soon as we recovered from a rupture in our relationship, another one seemed to arise.  But we had a choice to not let the traumas, belief systems, thoughts and feelings destroy us.  I really did have a choice to not let the bad things that happened in my life define me.  I had to constantly say, ‘Hey, this does not have control over me.  It does not determine who I am. And it doesn’t have to determine how I’m going to live my life.”  “We all battle with those old thoughts.  My old thinking that was programmed by my childhood said, “Woe is me! The worse thing imaginable is going to happen. Things never turn out right for me.     I would sometimes think, “Why would she love me after I did this and that?”

Rebekah:  Are you kidding me?  I wonder how you stayed with me after all I put you through.  I was sharing with my small group this morning about the Netflix show, we were watching last week.  It hit me like a ton of bricks when Ross Poldark said, “We are just cursed.”  I recalled how we use to sit around and say the same thing.  We honestly believed nothing was ever going to turn out right for us, and we were truly cursed.  We knew better than to believe that lie, but our feelings were screaming, “This is true.”  But now we can see that God will use all the bad and turn it around for our good.  However, it took time and effort.  We had to tap into Christ strength that was available to us.   We had to use our will to choose to trust God, and act accordingly with who we really are in Christ.  Some days we were successful and some days we were not.

Tim:  Yeah, we both had times we slipped into that stinking thinking but thank God we didn’t stay there.  We eventually hit a place where we said, “We have to stop this! And we reached out to others for counsel and help.”  That was the best decision we’ve ever made.  God gave us the ability to make a choice, even though our emotions were not always on board.  We refused the thoughts that said, “This is not what I thought it would be.  This relationship is not turning out the way it should be.  There is no hope and things will never change.”

Rebekah:  One of my favorite things that stuck with me from marriage counseling was when Ray told me about his struggles in his own marriage.  He would stop in the middle of an argument and say, “I think we have some unwanted traffic in the room.”  He then told the “interrupter” (a/k/a Satan) to leave in the name of Jesus.  I have no doubt there is an enemy that is trying to steal, kill and destroy families.  Learning about the enemy and how to stand in the authority we have been given in Christ was a major part of our victory.

Why am I sharing an intimate conversation?  Because we want couple’s to hear how they too, can rise above the things the enemy is using to try to destroy them.  Was it easy for us?  NO!!!  Was it worth it? YES!!!  It was two steps forward and one step backwards for years.  But as we became convinced of our identity in Christ, and we allowed God to heal our past and current wounds, we were able to make hard choices that forever changed our destiny.  You can too! 

Are things perfect now?  Absolutely not.  We are human and humans fail at times.  But we know our relationship is worth fighting for and we continue to lean on God for His wisdom, direction and strength.