This blog may not be what you think it is going to be after seeing the title.

It seems everywhere we turn these days there is controversy. You know the adage always said, “You don’t discuss politics or religion.”  However, an individual must decide which mountain is worth dying on.  There are many things that bother you that you must let go of.  There is also other subjects that you may feel so passionate about that you can’t sit quietly.  If you do, you feel like you are betraying yourself.

I come from a religious upbringing; however, I often say I’m not religious.  As a teenager, I learned from some awesome youth pastors that there is a difference between Christianity and religion.  Every religion is helping individuals work their way back to God, but in Christianity you see God coming to us.  He would rather die than live without us.  He was in Christ reconciling the world to himself.   He knew he never created human beings with the capacity to make themselves acceptable to a perfect God.  We see the Israelites trying to do that very thing as you read their story in the bible. People totally miss the fact that the bible must be looked at from the entirety of what was written.  It’s a story of redemption from a loving God who came to the sinner and poured His love out on them and made them His child.  Men, women and children who receive the gift of salvation actually do live happily ever after all through eternity.

So back to the fact that this blog may not be what you thought it would be.  You see, I was the legalist.  It wasn’t my fault, really.  My entire surroundings were people who meant well, but were misled, or sometimes mistaken about so much of what they taught. I have no doubt they all genuinely loved the Lord.  And I’m thankful for much of what I was taught.  The most important fact is these people and churches brought me to a personal faith in Christ.  So, I don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.  I received a lot of good things from my upbringing.  Sometimes it isn’t what you were taught but how you interpreted what you were taught.  It’s taken a long time to let the Holy Spirit shake some of the religious teachings I have been taught off of me.  It was strongly communicated to me that our denomination was right and everyone else was wrong.  As I grew, I realized it’s not that simple.  No one has the market cornered on the correct perspective on every verse in the bible.

I fell in love with Jesus as a six-year-old who got on my knees with my Sunday school teacher and accepted Jesus as my Savior. I have childhood memories of swinging on my swing set while singing a sweet song. The words were, “I’m in love with Jesus and He’s in love with me.”  My grandfather even asked me to sing it at his church, and I remember standing up on a chair behind the pulpit so the congregation could see me.  I learned at a young age that I could perform for God and people would applaud.

Fast forward to the age of 12 and I was even taking notes of the sermons at church, and was prioritizing my relationship with Jesus.  I was allowed to teach children’s church, and I was feeling pretty good about myself.  There’s certainly nothing wrong with serving at church.  But in my childlike mindset I developed a strong belief system.  If I performed for God, He was happy with me.  BUT when I did not perform for God, He basically just tolerated me.  The following years were up and down and all around until we started going to marriage counseling at the age of 24.  I had failed in so many ways in my early adult life.  My distorted concept of God was screaming words that I thought was God.  “Young lady, you’ve made your bed, now lay in it!”  There was a mean snarl on God’s face!  I was ashamed, hurting and a mess.  I lost the joy that was once in my heart. However, at this point in my life, learning the truth of my identity in Christ was setting my heart on fire again. I learned what all God’s forgiveness entailed and how to forgive others and myself.  I was learning about the purpose of the law and how to live under grace.  And I felt a strong call to go into ministry to teach and counsel hurting people. I wanted to help them in the way I was helped.  However, I had to work through toxic words that ran through my mind any time I tried to anything of any significance.  Sadly, these words came from my father.  “Young lady, who do you think you are?”

I’m going to rewind my story now.  I want to convey to you more regarding the effects from my environment, and also from the people that surrounded me as I grew up. I come from a family that had several pastors. Men were definitely viewed as more valuable than women.  And a man in ministry had a big bonus on the scale of value and importance!  I had never even heard of a female pastor or evangelist, other than a missionary headed to the jungles of Africa. Even as a little girl I felt a gentle nudging into ministry, but I was terrified God would send me into the bush.

To be continued: