It’s been quite a morning of revelation for me. You never know when God may open your eyes to more healing and give you revelation of why you struggle in your life. I teach, and I know that healing, evolving, or growing is a lifelong journey. No one ever “arrives”, like I believed when I was younger. I had the tendency to compare myself to others and think maybe, just maybe, one day I will like myself and finally be at peace. I’m grateful that I have grown out of most of those coping mechanisms and that stinking thinking! Over the years I began to understand my identity in Christ, and saw my heart heal from tremendous wounds. For me, this happened through some quality counseling.
I woke up thinking about how I often answered a question with “I don’t know” as I went through life. God had already showed me some of these thing’s years ago, but my mind went there again this morning so I paid attention. I remember Tim and I discussing the fact that as a child, I was not allowed to have an opinion. My dad’s philosophy regarding children was, “Sit down and shut up.” When I did go to my dad to plead with him about a situation that was hurting me, his response was less than desirable. “Young lady, who do you think you are; I’m the daddy!” I hated him. I really did. I developed the belief system at a very young age that said, “It does not matter what I feel. My thoughts are not important. And by the way, “who do you think you are, young lady?” Those words can be interpreted as, “Don’t you dare believe in yourself or think you can out smart anybody. You are nothing!” Oh, there’s that word again. Nothing. Well, actually the word or label that I assigned myself as a young child was “Nobody.” That’s why as I learned my identity in Christ, I became a completely different person. I understood that my relationship with Christ didn’t just give me a free ticket to heaven but gave me a brand-new identity. Christ joined HIS Spirit to my spirit, and I took on HIS identity. In the core of my being, I was valuable, loved, forgiven, competent and completely worthy. My eyes were opened to the fact that I was accepted and acceptable. The word acceptable was the most powerful revelation for me that brought deep healing. I had never felt acceptable a day in my life. I always fell short.
Now back to my new revelation this morning. I was thinking about never knowing what I wanted as a child because I wasn’t allowed to voice what I wanted. I was then thinking about my default coping mechanism. I hear words in the back of my mind that says, “You can’t do it, why even try!” My mind then went to some therapy I had years ago where God gave me back my voice. You see, it was stolen at a young age as I experienced abuse. I then recalled how fear controlled my entire life. Seriously, I was afraid of everything. So here goes the trail my mind followed. I was three years old, and I was trying to tell my parents I was being harmed at the home they were taking me to every day. No one would listen to me. I could see that little girl desperately trying to share her heart and her pain to no avail. THAT’S when I gave up. THAT’S when I first grabbed ahold of that belief system that affected me for years. THAT’S when I adopted the identity of INADEQUATE, INCOMPETENT, LESS THAN OTHERS, HELPLESS & HOPELESS. I believed I could NOT succeed no matter how hard I tried.
Wow, I had never connected these thoughts before. When your eyes are being opened to your core lies, or the root to your struggles, there is a knowing in your heart that you can’t deny. Years ago, I saw a therapist that took me through some inner child work. I needed to go back and rescue that part of me that believed those lies. This is an incredible form of therapy that I was very uncomfortable with in the early days. But I finally understood that God gave us an imagination for a purpose. So much joy can come through our imagination. But so much healing can also come through our imagination. We can get stuck at certain ages and that young child can be rescued by our adult self. And for me, since God is such a big part of my life, I usually can see myself with Jesus on my arm going back to get that little girl. And as we went back, we affirmed her and told her the truth. She was capable and important!
What is your core lies that have influenced you negatively throughout your life? Do you know the very beginning of adopting those lies into your belief system? Are you aware of the fact that long time strong beliefs can truly change, and your heart can heal? Please know that you don’t have to stay stuck. We can participate in our own emotional healing journey. It’s fascinating and amazing.