“Young lady, who do you think you are?” Those words became imprinted on my brain with a permanent marker. I rarely felt good about myself as a young child. Shyness, child-hood abuse and buck teeth was a recipe for a pitiful self-image. The few times I did feel good about myself, it seemed like I always heard words that set me back. One Sunday, I was recognized for an accomplishment at church. Later my dad said to me, “Young lady, who do you think you are?” I now understand my father was a wounded man with lots of insecurities himself. However, that does not negate the fact that I was deeply wounded. I spent a lot of time and money with professional counselors trying to get free from those words. As I shared my story, one particular counselor raised her voice as she said, “Rebekah, you ARE somebody!”
I’ve grown so much over 64 years. I’ve healed from enormous wounds, and seen God do incredible things in my life. He recently surprised me as He led me into another endeavor/business that is fun and promising. I will be stretched and I will have more opportunity to learn new things. No doubt, I will experience a lot more personal growth. This morning I decided I would like to add an excerpt from my first book. I honestly believe there are ladies who have felt the same things in their lives. God never intended His children to experience life long pain. There are roads that lead to healing. God loves you more than you know, and He wants you to know HIS love AND love yourself. If you resonate with my words, you may want to consider purchasing my book for the rest of the story.
Here is an excerpt from my book, “Can God Really Speak Through a Pelican?” (Available on Amazon)
Rebekah getting to know Rebekah took many years. At times it was fun and adventurous, and at other times it was painful. Each time I became confident in who I was in my soul, I could count on the enemy coming into my life to discourage me. It was like he was trying to squeeze me back into the box called “no identity Rebekah”.
I can remember taking a risk and saying what I felt but to no avail. Have you ever been in a group of people, and everyone is talking? You finally speak up and say something and nobody even hears you? I remember feeling so uncomfortable and vowing to never say anything again. But God would gently and consistently nudge me when I was in a crowd to continue speaking up. Eventually someone took notice and heard me.
Learning my likes and my dislikes was quite a lesson. I had to actually go to God and say, “Heavenly Father, you know me even better than I know myself. You created me. What do I like and dislike?” Many times, it was easier to figure out what I disliked before I understood what I actually liked and desired.
I can remember not even having a favorite color. I felt so abnormal but truly did not have a favorite color. As a child, the belief that my feelings didn’t matter went deep into my soul. And I absolutely hated it when we would be in a group of people, and we had to go around the circle and share our name and our favorite hobby. Eventually I learned to say that I like to travel and read. I just didn’t have any gifts, talents or strengths that drew me to any certain sport or hobby. This confirmed my belief that I wasn’t normal.
Growing up I always felt “less than” the other children my age. One of the enemy’s greatest tactics is to make us feel weird, abnormal, or different. I hated that I was always the last one picked for kickball at recess. I remember so vividly praying to God to please not let me be picked last again, but to no avail.
One of the most traumatic events in my childhood was the day I decided I wanted to be in a local beauty contest. I was in the fourth grade, and when I told my parents, my dad laughed. He laughed because I would have to go around to local businesses and find a sponsor, which meant they paid my admission fee of $20. He knew I was a very shy little girl and couldn’t imagine me attempting this endeavor.
Well, I did find a sponsor and my parents were shocked. The big night came to live my dream, and I was scared to death. I hated the way I looked. My parents had taken me to the beauty salon, and I was given a beehive hairdo. To top it off, they dressed me in a red, white, and blue dress that was intended for someone much older, like someone in their seventies. I felt like the biggest dork. About the time it was my turn to walk out on the stage, the popular girl from my class said to me, “You’re not going to win.” I wanted to be swallowed up by the earth.
Satan begins to place lies into our heads from the time we are very young, and then he brings about circumstances throughout our lives to confirm those lies. It is so important to teach our children that they have an enemy that hates their guts. And he will do anything he can to discourage them and keep them from believing God and becoming the person that God intended them to be.
Excerpt from Chapter 3 in “Can God Really Speak Through a Pelican? by Rebekah Royal