Now that’s a word that no one likes! Whether the rejection is real or perceived, it hurts! But I have great news for you; YOU are in charge of your emotions. Yeah, I know, it sure doesn’t “feel” like it at times. No pun intended. Let’s take a deeper look at rejection.
I would have to say that nearly every time I have felt hurt or rejected it is because I had an expectation. Years ago I cringed when I heard someone make that statement. I remember wanting to scream, “How can you NOT have an expectation?” “It’s like breathing! I have a brain and an opinion!” And I suppose I still agree with that conclusion. But here is the key: Once I realize I have an expectation; I can then choose to give up my right for that expectation to come to fruition and trust God with my feelings. (The red flag that shows you there is an expectation is the pain you are feeling.)
As I learn more and more about boundaries I am discovering a new thought process. If you want to have healthy boundaries, you must know where someone else ends and you begin. Most of the time the rejection is more about the person doing the rejecting and their issues than the person feeling rejected. There’s something in our human nature that always assumes it’s about us! “Why me?” “What did I do?” “What’s wrong with me?”
Another lesson I’m learning with boundaries is that you also have to respect other people’s boundaries. Hmmmm….this one may trip us up at times. After all, I would NEVER …. (You feel in the blank). As my Heavenly Father has gently worked with me over the years I have heard him say to me more than once, “Rebekah, everyone does not think like you think.” “WHAT?!!!”
I love this next statement that I heard a few years ago by John Lynch. “You like me. I like me. Let’s be me!” Now that cracks me up! We don’t realize that down deep inside many of us are living out of that mindset. So I guess that also means that I need to understand where I end and someone else begins. We ALL live out of hundreds of belief systems that contribute to our daily choices. Understanding that every person is unique and to respect and accept their uniqueness will save you a ton of sleepless nights.
You may ask, “But what if I’m REALLY being rejected?” Remember what I said at the beginning of this blog. YOU are in charge of your emotions. Hurt, grieve, cry, process the pain and then forgive. BECAUSE FORGIVENESS IS FOR YOU and FORGIVENESS IS A CHOICE. We also can choose to accept the person as they are and give up our right to change them. I mean think about it; can you change the person anyway? I promise you, taking this blog to heart will change your life.
Last but not least, God uses our pain to mold us into the people HE intends us to be. I love I Peter 5:10 – After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.
The morning after I wrote this blog I saw the following quote on facebook:
The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them. Thomas Merton